THE ART OF FRUSTRATION

How am I feeling right now?

I’m frustrated. I’ve been looking and applying for jobs for a month and a half. My days consist of looking at my laptop, sending off job applications, going for my daily walks, getting rejection emails from those job applications and watching at least one episode of Will and Grace a day. All I want is money for rent, money so I can buy food, money to have a life and money to go on holidays. That dream of dipping my feet into the pristine waters of Santorini just seems so unachievable at the moment…

During my first year of my communications degree, it was stressed that we get as much work experience in our chosen future field of work as possible. At the time, I was highly invested in becoming a journalist, so I went off and completed work experience at my local hometown’s newspaper. Fast forward a few years later, and after completing jobs that just weren’t right for me, I’ve reignited with my love of writing and love of telling people’s stories.

Since returning to Perth, I’ve been applying for numerous journalism and communications jobs.  Although I have past experience to do with these areas and have the skills to complete the jobs, the feedback from those emails/interviews has been something like the following:

‘We’re really impressed with your CV, however there were people who had more experience than you.’

‘We’d love to give you a job, but we haven’t got enough money to have you on board.’

‘You don’t have the paid experience that we are looking for.’

After all the work I’ve completed in paid/volunteer work, I STILL DON’T HAVE ENOUGH EXPERIENCE! And that for me is frustrating, because I have worked really hard in the past few years (on top of everything I’ve been through!) to get to where I want to be.

As my days have only consisted of what I’ve stated above, I’ve really been struggling to get out of bed in the morning. And for me that is FRUSTRATING because I am a very happy, bright and bubbly person. Although I have been trying my best to get motivated to achieve something each day, my morning routine sounds a little bit like this.

6:30am: ALARM 1  - ‘I can’t be bothered. I’ll set it again for 7:00am. ‘

7:00am: ALARM 2 – ‘NOPE. I’m only applying for jobs all day. I don’t have that much to do!’

8:30am: AFTER SCROLLING ON MY PHONE FOR AN 1HR AND 30 MINUTES -  ‘GET UP, GET UP, GET UP. DON’T WASTE YOUR DAY.’

Here’s another point to add to my frustration. I can’t drive for three months. Yes that’s right. Yours truly had another seizure a couple of weeks ago and now can’t drive for three months. I’m desperately trying to think positively about the situation. If I go anywhere, I have to add on at least 30 minutes preparation time so I walk to the place or catch the bus/train. While it’s great exercise, I have moments were I just want to fire up my car engine and head off somewhere.

This period is tough and frustrating for me right now and especially when you have Cowden's Syndrome because you’ve got to think about your health at the same time.  This phase will pass, but I just don’t know when.

Now that I’ve got my frustration off my chest, I’m off to watch another episode of Will and Grace.

Until next time….

AT x